Miscellaneous Humanity Reviews

Changed the Rules
Splice
posted by Kattastrophe on July 01, 2010

 
Everything about this trailer told me it would be a ridiculous creature feature. In fact, the only reason I saw it was to farm it for ideas and write the review. It's a bit like Event Horizon. The trailer kinda shows you what the movie's about, but leaves out the critical information that would push the movie from "maybe I'll see that" to "hells yeah! Let's all go to the movies!" But it almost works in the movie's favor. Much like Event Horizon, the less you know about it going in, the more... Read more...

Hercules and Gurl Power
Hercules and the Amazon Women
posted by JoVo on June 28, 2010

 
Little else ever captured my imagination the way that Greek mythology did. Of course I started out reading all the children's story books. Then, in 1994, I was sitting in front of my Macintosh computer (with my brand new TV tuner) and discovered Action Pack, a series of television movies that featured interesting but sometimes really bad shows like TekWar and Cleopatra 2525. It was primarily a guilty pleasure, but nobody had done Hercules the way that Action Pack did Hercules in... Read more...

I'm a Monster... Rawr!
Where the Wild Things Are
posted by JoVo on June 28, 2010

 
I first read Where the Wild Things Are, the 1963 children's book by Maurice Sendak, when I was in kindergarten. I read it over, and over, and over. I never put it down until Madeleine L'Engle kicked Sendak out of my young child brain. Still, the book always stayed with me. It colored my imagination the way it probably colored many of yours. The moment the promo spots for the film adaptation of this classic book showed up on TV and YouTube, many of you probably brimmed with nostalgic... Read more...

This Is What You Call An Apocalypse?
Legion
posted by Ezekiel on June 21, 2010

 
Every now and then when I'm out wondering what movie to watch, I think back to those films that friends have warned me against. Still I sit myself down and subject myself to just pure aweful. I'm not sure what possesses me to do this, or why even that I sit through the whole thing, or even with the case of "Legion" I do so a few times. The previews pretty much lay out the whole plot of the movie, so really you as the movie goer are watching it for what? The explosions, the action, the... Read more...

The Face of God
The Human Centipede (First Sequence)
posted by Kattastrophe on June 21, 2010

 
I heard about this movie about a year ago and had been anxiously awaiting it. The premise is so twisted and bizarre, how could it not be awesome? A crazy surgeon, Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser), renowned for separating conjoined twins, becomes obsessed with the idea of creating a human centipede. Basically, taking three individuals and connecting them, anus – mouth – anus - mouth. According to the movie poster, it’s 100% medically accurate, but the most I know about medicine is that getting a... Read more...

I'm Not Okay, I Promise
The Crazies
posted by Kattastrophe on June 21, 2010

 
The problem with zombie movies is that zombies really only have one motivation—to eat. It’s scary, yeah, but it it’s not terrifying. People are far more terrifying than zombies. People have so many wants. They react to things. Zombies… well, they just GO. The rules of society keep most people in line. They keep people from doing awful things to one another. Our brain tells us that no matter how much we want to hurt someone, it’s not okay. We’ll get arrested, we’ll be ostracized. The... Read more...

All's Right With the World
The Book of Eli
posted by Kattastrophe on June 21, 2010

 
It's a common theme in post-apocalyptic fiction that humans are generally so lazy and self-serving that when the end comes, those left will do nothing at all to clean up. Roads will still be clogged with abandoned cars. Dead bodies will rot inside houses. Utility stations will never be repaired. Murderers will run the town and everything will pretty much have to gone to shit. The Book of Eli is the first movie I've seen that gave a reason for it. Thirty years after "the Big Flash" Eli... Read more...

Ground Control to Major... Lincoln MKZ
Major Tom
posted by Kattastrophe on February 12, 2010

 
So, one day, my alarm goes off, right? And I've got it set to play the radio instead of that annoying buzzer because it's easier for me to sleep through. The song it starts blaring at me is some sort of re-imagining of David Bowie's Space Oddity. I was half asleep so I didn't try to find out what it was right then, but I knew I really liked the song. For four days in a row it played that song at the same time. It was like Groundhog Day. Then I realized it was part of a pre-recorded set... Read more...

Now She's Perfect
The Girl Next Door
posted by Kattastrophe on February 12, 2010

 
So, I’m home alone and not doing anything that requires a lot of thought. I start up the 360 and scroll around the Horror section of Netflix, seeing if there’s anything new. There is. A movie called The Girl Next Door. The summary said something about a girl forced to live with her psychopathic aunt. When I started this movie, I was expecting something like a typical slasher movie. But this movie doesn’t really deliver any of the thrills or chills that a horror flick should. Don’t get me... Read more...

Beautiful Rambling
House of Voices
posted by Kattastrophe on February 12, 2010

 
Sometime after WW2, the Saint Ange orphanage is being decommissioned. Anna (Virginie Ledoyen) arrives to help clean the place up before... whatever's going to happen to it happens. As the final group of children are being shipped away, a girl breaks from the crowd and goes to Anna. She whispers in Anna's ear, "Beware the scary children". So, we're off to a good start. I mean, "scary children"? Really? That's the best the girl could come up with? What about calling them "ghosts" or... Read more...